The first-two days

I think my biggest fear upon going back to work after 18 months of absence is that people won't remember me -- and I would have to go through the hanky-panky process of introducing myself all over again.  Of becoming new all over again.  Of becoming the outsider in the group all over again.  Of being compared all over again.

I was proved the vice-versa of my negative thoughts.

And it made me realise that going back with a new upgraded qualification have a different feel to it.  I was swarmed with "congratulations" although the official results were not released yet, I was indeed recognised by most of the people that I bumped into, and also, I met up with a new, great and friendly bunch.  So, I can say, it is indeed a great start.  To be surrounded with intelligent and quirky people is a great way to be working.

I have a new boss, who seems very promising.  And importantly, I have my very own workstation -- well --literally.  Unlike my previous workstation that doesn't make you feel wanted at all, my newly furbished workstation is definitely going to be a great kickstart towards amazing research projects.  The room is fairly large, and I'm sharing it with another colleague.  Equipped with utilities that make you feel like you are worth it, my workstation is located at the ground floor overlooking the outside view.

So, I can say, my first-two days of coming back is amazing.  And it makes the idea of staying at this desolate area -- bearable (I call anyplace away from home as desolate area).

Alhamdulillah.  And at times, I think I'm getting over the head of the happiness I recently felt.

Until the not so great things came rolling in.  I received an email from a friend regarding one of my transcribing work.  I knew the work was quite poor since it's fairly hard for me to pick up the words plus the fact that it uses a heavily Chinese accent plus the disturbing background sound that affected the entire audio quality.  But since that particular friend is the one that conducted the interview, so it does make sense that she can basically pick-up the words from her own lines.  So, her email content was filled with criticism towards my work and why it is important for me to submit a good quality transcribing and the importance of double checking the work and yaddi yaddi ya.  

The thing is -- I did double checked.  I even triple and quadruple check it at certain area.  I know the importance of submitting a quality work.  I did highlight my difficulties in the first email I sent to her on that particular recording.  It is OK to criticise.  Constructive criticisms are more then welcomed.  But then, it's not that I'm making excuses for the the poor work.  The audio quality is indeed poor.  The accent is very 'liak bo kiu' (see meaning here).  And to be told of things that I already knew is making me defensive.  It's like telling an adult why it is good to eat vegetables.

Looking at the response above, you can see that I indeed have trouble digesting that particular critics.  Normally, I don't really get 'touched' by my friends critics on me, because often, I feel like I am learning a new dimension about myself when being criticised.  But somehow, I reacted differently when being critiqued of things that I do know at which I have initially highlighted beforehand.  It's like going through the trouble of telling me the things that I already told beforehand with different wordings.  It's annoying, quite frankly -- especially after I have a great week of coming back to work.

Shai gave me a good points of dealing with this kind of stuff.  Yeah, it's good enough that I'm willing to help that person with this job as part of her their work.  And I really have to learn to move on as there is indeed something else bigger than sulking over this thing.

And the 'bigger thing' came in the blink of an eye.  My lil' Moji just died.  I found her lying in the middle of the road with sprained neck and an eyeball out of her socket.  I'm all teared up looking at her condition.  I'm not sure if it's my doing or who-so-ever.  I'm not sure if she chased me while I rushed out to fetch my dad from the mosque.  I'm not sure if my car ran over her.  My last memory of her was while opening the front grill of the house that night, and she's playing with my shoes and her twins, and I gave her a short pat on the head.  My cat thing is bigger than my partner -- quite frankly.  So, losing her is a big deal because I am indeed attached to these cats.

And later on, I found out the partner uses the word 'syg' with other chick he knew online.  Which is quite irritating -- regardless of how he say he didn't mean the stuff he said online and any encounter with that kind of thing simple meant that he's bored.  For me, the word 'syg' is so exclusive that you can't simple say it meaninglessly to anyone.  You call your girlfriends 'syg', you call your parents 'syg', you call your partner 'syg', you call your cats 'syg' -- you don't call people you merely knew as 'syg' and you definitely don't use the word 'syg' meaninglessly.  It makes you douche.

And why am I worrying over all this when I'm beginning to love my career?  Ironically, this good-bad thing is like life balance.  You can't have too many good at one time, and not-so-good things are like the strings that pulls you back to reality.  We're human -- after all.  We can't fly~