Dozing off

Pregnancy dah masuk its 19th week. Buntut pun dah kembang.

Asal duduk atas kerusi aje, aku mengantuk. Asal masuk lab, aku mengantuk. Asal sarung selimut sampai kepala, bye bye aku dah masuk alam tidur. 

Sebenarnya tak ada kaitan pun dengan 19th week pregnancy.

Even masa early arrival in Japan pun perangai dah macam burung hantu ni. Maybe it's the weather? Alasan~

Suami tak ada sebelah nak bergurau senda (Eww...). Cuma boleh harap session facetime yang biasanya pukul 11.30pm ke atas. Sekarang ni counting days dia nak datang sini -- which is like -- yippie, ada geng peluk-peluk (oh, pardon moi, sindrom orang perasan baru kahwin..)

Research work dah mula bergerak sikit. Dah tak lagi baca paper journal yang super-bosan tu.  Managed to install the trial version of the software sementara tunggu licensed version which will only be available next month! 

Mende alah ni -- maybe makes you go -- apajadah study yang kau buat ni...???!!! Mende biru-biru turqoise tu?  

This is just the modeling phase -- which is the easiest part of the study. Macam main-main dengan application 'paint'. Tapi sebab simple sangat sampai aku jadi cepat bosan sebab the work involved is too tedious and very repetitive as I'm segmenting the information for each bloody slice. And there were like -- 25 slices per each bone -- and you have to repeat the same bloody step for all slices -- and you have three component to focus on ----- ya ya yaaaaa -- I know I'm losing you guys. Why do I even bother explaining my work here. Haha!

So hari ni -- is supposed to be the day where I kind of kickstart the segmenting and object modeling activity. But I ended up feeling sleepy throughout the day. Amazingly, balik rumah aje, long-gone the sleepiness syndrom I felt -- Ohhhh, how I wished I would've felt this REJUVENATED when in the lab.

Unfortunately -- lab environment does not come close to triggering any of my creative senses. 

See -- such a bore, isn't it...?

And this is how I ended up looking like -- most of the time.

Jerawat naik dah macam simbol tiga bintik si ketot dalam cerita dragon ball tu.

Anyhow -- outside view is still very serene. Cuma, weather is still so cold and does not permit you to take too much of fresh air outside.

Ini masa hanami dengan lab mates -- in conjunction to welcoming our new lab members of final year degree students. Sejuk-sejuk maghrib gini-gini gatal pulak diorang nak buat hanami. But then -- it's a pleasant one, the only time where you can see the highly focused people drink the can of beer and just babbles and make some noise. 

Till then -- let's wait for the next babbles -- I guess.

The perk of being pregnant

Albeit that you know at the end of the day, the joy of having a baby with your one true partner is overwhelming and exciting and brings a new definition of love itself -- but the journey of it comes with so many other things that you have to endure.

Seperti kulit perut yang mula merekah -- commonly known at stretch marks. Benda yang digeruni orang perempuan -- because she knows she will never get back the smooth silky skin she used to possess. And stretch marks does not come in one unit alone -- it comes with a package. The itchiness -- and restraining oneself from the powerful urge to scratch your skin with your bare fingers. Sometimes the pain felt upon further stretch, and later on, the development of a 'beautiful' abstract of dark coloured lines and patterns on your tummy.

The extra weight -- that she has to endure just to make sure her baby is comfortable in the womb. And lucky people like me -- extra weight normally blobbed on my cheeks instead of my tummy. 

Not to mention the catastrophe of the first trimester -- endless puking, and sometimes unreasonable appetite. Bayangkan mengidam sup ekor di tengah-tengah bandar Jepun. Am fortunate ada Indonesian restaurant at one part of the town -- eventhough it's not as tasty as I had experienced in M'sia -- but at least, cravings satisfied. Tapi bila balik rumah, muntah. How sad is that?

Towards second trimester, benda-benda pelik lain that mothers-to-be had to endure. Seperti the weird pumping sound of your own heartbeat -- can be heard quite loud and obvious right next to your left ear. It's like somebody is doing the boom-boom-boom thing right next to your head. At times, when you're alone in the silence of your house, it does feel freaky. 

And nose bleed becomes worse within this month. The weather is getting better, but not the nose bleed. And waiting for the blood to dry out so you can perform your prayer is such a challenge. 

And feeling sleepy all the time -- maybe it's a sign of depression -- or maybe I'm just not into this study thingy anymore... I don't know. 

Bentuk badan, emotional eruption, the fear of the pain -- tak payah cakap lah. Penat tanggung sendiri. Berat mata memandang, berat lagi bahu yang memikul. Sounds simple, tapi you have to experience it to endure the feeling. 

The day that I knew I'm having a baby is the day when everything in my mind changes. I no longer crave for the glory of being abroad. I don't even care about my PhD anymore. I am not a workaholic as I used to be. I procrastinate a lot, get confused even more. Honestly, I just want to drop off everything and be right next to my husband throughout the 9 months. 

The perk of being pregnant -- is that -- you have to let go of so many things just to give a life to another being in you. Your looks. Your beauty. Your energy. Your husband doesn't get to feel all that. 

Just you.

My baby lemon

Bila tinggi perut dah mula nak melebihi tinggi dada yang mengundang rasa undescribable dalam diri, jawapan cliche suami saya : "Biasalah tu, mengandung..."

Tetapi, ini adalah pertama kali saya mengandung -- and so, everything is new and every changes to my biological system and body shape adalah sesuatu yang 'tak biasa' lagi -- pada saya.

Eventhough being pregnant is very exciting, but I seldom post entries on my pregnancy. Mainly sebab blogging from lab is NO FUN when you have that wary feel of your fellow lab mates prying you. Haha! (Perasan orang observe, padahal orang tak ambik port pun!) Sekarang baru install internet dekat rumah, so it makes browsing  and uploading entries much easier.

My pregnancy has approached its 2nd trimester (waaah, sekarang dah pandai guna perkataan trimester.... chuckles**)  -- it's already 14 weeks now. Wait, aku baru nikah like 13 weeks, camne usia kandungan boleh cecah 14 minggu ni...?? Entah-entah....... Jeng jeng jeng. Hahaha! 

The gynaecologist calculation of pregnancy is a bit weird -- I would say -- I wonder who really initiated it in the first place. If you are to browse what really happen in week 1 and 2, its more towards your tummy's preparation in conceiving a new life in it. Eventhough I know my baby is much younger than the estimated age, but I'll just make do with the gynae's estimation to make tracking of baby progress much easier. 

Towards 2nd trimester, 'bwek-bwek' session has ceased dramatically. I'm quite fortunate as my health condition still permits me to move around quite actively during the first trimester. It's just the weather and the big humongous M (read: malas) that made me 'ponteng' lab session one of those days. Bila acquaintance inquired about my early pregnancy, they are quite amazed at my ability to still get up and move around as based on their own experience and observations, the first 8 weeks are the hardest part -- when some couldn't even get up to do anything. It's the genetic, I guess. So far, aku tengok tak adalah kakak-kakak aku having severe allergies or sickness during their early pregnancy. 

Which is a bless -- sebab going through the days of your pregnancy ALONE, on your own, is not as easy as it seem. You are in constant need of emotional support from the other half, and yet, long-distance just couldn't make up much to what you really need. Imagine if my morning-sickness is too severe during such times -- aku rasa tiap-tiap minggu aku balik Malaysia.

Being far and apart from the husband -- in a way made me stronger. Tipulah sangat kalau aku kata aku tak pernah menangis sepanjang duduk sini. The first month being apart from the husband and family, tetiap pagi bangun, pikir -- ape kejadahnya aku buat dekat sini, pastu menangis. Almost everyday, kot. Nowadays, it's an occasional thing. Trying to hold myself together for the sake of the baby. 

Regardless of all the daily phone call from the hubby, and night calls before sleep, or FaceTime session, or constant reminder to not to skip my breakfast -- it is not really the same during such times when he would wake me up for my Subuh prayer, or those days when he got up early preparing the milk and breakfast meal for me. But, I know, he's trying his best to make it work and make me happy all the time -- albeit the distance.   

Anyhow, the new oddness bila mengandung -- sakit kepala sikit -- "Ahh, pregnancy sickness. Takmau pergi lab!" or emotional sikit, "Ahh, it's the hormones". In a way, aku rasa pregnancy make the best excuses when women are not in their best behaviour.

Nowadays, I count days for weeks instead of months. Macam kalau dulu, it would be much easier to say 3 bulan, but lately you prefer to use 12 weeks instead, and the more weeks you have, the more excited you feel.

The use of words such as trimester and gynea sambil angkat-angkat kening made me feel so knowledgable. Pfftt... As if!

And so, bila tinggi perut dah mula mula melebihi tinggi dada, I got to be extra careful everytime I stretch out in the lab -- which is a habit I just noticed -- sebab very recently, baru mengeliat sikit aku dah rasa perut sejuk sebab baju terselak sikit saying hi-hi to the outside world. 

And because of that, aku dah mula kenal pelbagai bentuk dan size buah-buah, even the odd ones like kumquat! The baby tracking apps installed in my phone keeps me updated with my baby's progress, and very often it made the baby's size comparison to fruits. So, as of this week, my baby is already the size of a lemon.

Whoaaa -- like no shit. That huge already??? Fine tak besar mana. But still, I feel huge. Oh, that's double layer clothes, by the way (yer, mencipta alasan lagi...)

Anyway, I really hope everything goes smoothly for the upcoming months. I had a feeling that my husband would only visit me twice je kot throughout the 9 months duration. Ok, jangan fikir sangat. It turns on the 'crybaby' button. Harap kuat. Kena kuat!