Anyway, I am finding alternatives towards healing. See previous entry. Seeking possible help in the form of activities that might shift my mind from thinking too much about those melancholic emotions. It's the kind of emotion yang kau tak tau nak describe macam mana.
Macam semalam -- turns out the decision to get out of the house and 'bertapa' at the engineering foyer turns out to be the best decision ever. I am more productive, efficient indeed, and my project has finally started to move -- although at a slow pace -- and get positive feedback from prospective people in the industry. Even said 'hi' to that girl who was in the same class as me last semester that I've never talked to -- which is like the thing that made my day sebenarnya. I really need to be socialising to make this brain working -- in the sense of getting new acquaintances and have a simple minum-minum with somebody else apart from Mr B. I think my life is too revolved around the same person that I started to feel very retarded.
Tapi ada juga a few plans which doesn't turn out as expected. Macam the 'fun with cookies' class -- aku bagi response lambat sangat, and so, couldn't book any seat for the class. But the person is very nice, promised me that she will inform me of any similar classes for the following month. Apa-apa pun, I blame it on Mr B. I spent too much time with him - it's either movies, or bowling, or strolling in malls, or karaokey-ing -- that I don't really have the time to check my email like I used to.
And then hari ni is like one example of a very lousy day. Mak asked me to sit around at my bro's place since he's having one of the room renovated and since my parents have to settle with some stuff in KL. I woke up late, I'm supposed to be at my bro's place by 9, by which I really woke up as in mata terbeliak kind of waking up at 8.45. Let me tell you one thing -- waking up as in 'terkejut' kind of waking up is definitely the most unsensational feeling to start your day. I didn't manage to have any breakfast. And being at your bro's place -- dude, he's a typical male species. You won't find any roti or butter or telur at his place.
I'm a bit hesitant sebenarnya when my mum asked me this favour. The thing is -- I don't like my bro's place. No matter lah kalau there's plenty of gadgets I can play around with, or if his audio room filled with DVDs wall to wall -- I just don't feel like it. It's too filled with bitter memories -- it's our old house sebenarnya. Moreover, I'm still in this depressed mode -- so, yes, I am very negative during this season. Mum coaxed me by telling me that I can bring my lappy and do my work there. And so I agreed. I can never say no to my mum pun sebenarnya.
Guess what, the internet was disconnnected since they're having the construction in the computer room. And the construction noises is too disrupting that I can't read anything, my USB broadband is with Mr B. And so, bringing the laptop is pretty useless. So, I just sit there and watch tv1, tv2, tv3, tv9, ntv7 -- on weekday morning - which is the most boring show ever. Aku doze off to sleep a few times, while watching some guy talking about his boutique in SACC mall -- very scripted, very monotonous -- and with my grumbling tummy -- and I am definitely not in one of those jovial mood.
Depressed, hungry, over-slept -- and my parents are late. Due 2 hours from the promised time. And hungry -- wait, I've already said that. Gosh -- I turned into an ugly grumpy grandmother in this kind of situation.
Then after the late lunch, rushed back home, gosok gigi -- hey, it's a must when you're meeting with the dentist. Had an early take off since I need to withdraw some money -- and half way, receive a phone call from the clinic saying that the doctor couldn't make it that day, and so they would need to postpone the appointment. Part of me felt relieved since di tengah-tengah bulan begini dengan shopping habit yang membimbangkan, withdrawing a huge chunk of money is not really something that you're looking forward to. Part of me -- rasa bertambah depressed with the cancellation which basically means nothing really works today.
My project is on halt again, I'm in no mood to do any study, not even in the mood to re-organise the data in my hard-disc. Being in my bro's place makes me wonder -- how the hell did I survive my youth without Astro nor internet or even interesting computer games? I mean -- if we are to turn back time in the 1990s, goshhh -- I will almost definitely be one of those grumpy annoying teenager.
Anyway -- still have that leftover chunk of depression. Even had some tiny quarrel with Mr B last few days -- that I still don't feel like talking to him much -- or even the usual SMSes. He is a distraction -- and it can be in a good way, or vice versa. Right now, I just feel like I need to be away from him for a while. Away from him, and his nicotine!
And -- this one pulak -- is joy.
This is KapKap. He is like my secret lover -- who comes in my room through the window. Selalu bikin aku terkejut kalau dok panggil pukul 2-3 pagi. Sekarang dah tak boleh duduk dalam rumah sebab the balls is matured enough untuk memancut wherever he deemed required. Haramjadah punya belaan!
No comments:
Post a Comment