Helping other people makes you feel so helpless instead when your effort to help is scrapped like a useless junk -- wait -- not exactly scrapped. More like it is resorted to something far less.
And -- why am I doing all this again? I thought I already retired from being those goody-goody thing of "oh, of course you can do it, you have bright future" whilst laying out plan A plan B plan C -- which I wrote and constructed for other people and is later 'junked'. I thought I already resorted to being selfish and self-centered and couldn't care less.
Oh, forget about all those cheesy line of "saya sangat hargai semua yang awak buat, terima kasih". Kasih my ass la, dude. If you appreciate it, you would've at least tried instead of throwing everything away. Like -- seriously, you don't really have anything to lose.
I'm sorry if my brain-work is different from you. I'm sorry if you think I'm on gear 5 with this. I am always with a job or part time project since I graduated because that seems too be the only way I can soothe my parent's heart, earn my living, feed my stomach, feed my car, have a meal at Theobroma, and afford a few pieces of macaroons yang gila wudahell punya mahal! So, the idea of balik kampung for two-three-four months, jobless without any paycheck or back-up plan (or money) just doesn't make sense to me. Yeah, money is not the centre of living --- when you want a house made of kotak under the bridge. Ironically, the opportunities is everywhere, all you have to do is work for it, work 'towards' it. Not away for it. Like dude, kau ingat kau muda lagi?
I'm just so tired of this cycle. Now ----- baccccck to square one, like 7 years ago kot. Tengoklah, and in 3 weeks, you'll be whining about the same thing all over again.
Dalam kepala aku sekarang ada satu phrase aje.
Ah, lantak kau lah!
4 comments:
hey strangers..
i think i understand with your situation here..i have a sibling that exactly like that..its hard when they don't want to try different options where else we try our hardest to earn more..to make our life better, not just for ourself, but for our family as well..but when they have problem, they'll come back to us..
but in the end..i have just to accept that, my sibling & I are from different planet..the motivation are different, therefore, i can't change them if they not willing to change..
my latest advise to my sibling..you choose this path, so live with your own decision, i can only show you options, you decide and live with it..
but it's true tho, if i push them to live according to the options i pick, in the future, if anything happens, the blame will be on me..so, let them live to their own decision..whining part? haihhhhh..part of my life job scope.. :P
But i can still tolerate dealing with siblings -- it's the forgive and forget thing, and we work our way to survive one another no matter what may happen. but when it involves someone very close to you, who is not even a member of the family, it takes that certain degree of trust and compassion to really work your ass to make sure he/she succeeded. it's like u sacrificed for other people, and when they 'junk' ur effort, it's -- hurtful i guess. n then u're restraining urself from saying "i told u so" when that person fails miserably.i find it too one sided when I care so much that I wanted to help, yet that person doesn't really care much bout improving his own life. ah well -- that's why becoming selfish seems to be the easier way out. haha.
hmmm..true indeed...in that case, it is really hard from saying 'i told you so'...
different people, different motivation though..we can help to certain extend, they have to help themselves..i think, for every effort we give to them, they should pay some kind of deposit though..if they succeed, they got refund back..if not, we keep it..baru worth it..right? Hahahaha
totally. no matter what we do, we can't change a person unless they want to change themselves. i learned that the hard way.
ouh, the concept of payment of advice is interesting. i would be verrryy rich if that is legalised. haha!
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