Knock Knock on the Little Head

I just had a breakthrough. A bad one. 

I am running out of adequate English vocabulary. It's diminishing. Decreased. Subsided. Lessen. Dwindled --which is not really good for my IELTS test.

Ever since I retired to blogging, I read and write less of English. The thing about blogging is that, for every entry that I posted, I will always check from the thesaurus for any alternative words with more dramatic impact. Upon every entry publication, I will keep re-reading it over and over again just because seeing my ideas and emotions in a complete entry is quite fascinating. 

But blogging means connecting with the emotions too much -- that I tend to be very melancholic -- and whiny. On the other hand, to stop blogging means being disconnected with the emotions that at times, I felt void and lack of principle and personal opinions. Shallow -- maybe.

So, the pinnacle of this situation is during the the speaking test I attended last Friday. I flew off to Penang just for the test because there are no more available slots at the KL branch. I am admittedly unprepared and took the test at a state when my mind is too bugged with so many unsettled issues *cough* baru lepas kolokium *cough* hal kahwin.

The butt from the perspective of Mr Fiancée

Off to Penang, 7/Nov/2013

The topic given was not that hard. I mean, for the first part, the examiner inquired about my hobby, and the importance for kids nowadays to have hobby. I mean -- what is so bad about being asked on your hobby? I can rant about reading, or blogging, or chiling with friends at kopitiam, or sleep, or indie gigs. Yet, I stutter like a 12 years old and my vocabulary -- is -- very, very, VERY limited. I guess -- even 12 years old can do better than me!

The next topic given was regarding a well known person in your country. Again, I stuttered and answered clumsily. I know that I did not display my real potential as a daily speaker (read:lecturer) and that is really sad. But -- it's over.

So, yes -- I weeped upon leaving the British Council building after the speaking test, simply because I knew I did not perform and I simply knew that I can do much better then that, yet -- my jittery took the better of me. 

So, I drove away in sadness that took over me for the next hour until the fiancée took me to this place to chill down.  

Georgetown White Coffee -- the place where I weep at any random second.

The next day -- maybe am still with the unsettled mind, we left his sis in law's place very early for an early registration at town. All things are packed, I think I am ready for the next component of the test -- and guess what -- I dropped off my IC. And I cannot be admitted for any bloody test without the bloody IC. Not even my staff card permits me for the exam. 

Oh dear God. A painful lesson worth RM610 -- and that doesn't include the flight ticket to Penang. Sangat-sangat-sangat menyedihkan. I knew I shouldn't sit for any exam with an unsettled mind. I tend to be very clumsy upon those situation.

And so -- today, my resolution would be to get myself familiar with writing in English agaiiinnn -- and it starts with daily entry in this blog -- until my next IELTS test which is scheduled to be on 30th November 2013.

So -- wish me luck, and pray for my upcoming triumph!!!