Leaving on a Plane

Kadang-kadang -- news from home buat kau rasa extremely homesick and envy those people who can still go on with their life while you -- here -- alone -- trying to cope with the new life ahead of you and missing every single thing at home very badly.

I miss my family. I miss my husband. I miss the comfort. I miss the familiarity. 

I miss home.

We are an ocean apart and at time it feels so nerve wrecking dealing with lonesomeness.

And talking about WhatsApp group yang pernah diwujudkan kawan-kawan satu ketika dulu untuk kawan-kawan yang kita anggap kawan.

-- aku rasa aku dah faham perasaannya kenapa satu per satu group member keluar sejurus lepas mereka sambung pengajiannya dalam bidang masing-masing.

Here's why... 

-- setiap pagi kau akan dapat notification orang-orang ajak pergi breakfast di tempat-tempat yang kau pernah kau pergi breakfast dulu -- and you know very well, in no near time kau tak kan dapat rasa breakfast tempat-tempat sebegitu -- sedih.

-- ada waktu orang-orang bercerita perihal cerita-cerita pejabat yang biasanya dilengkapkan dengan verbal information yang bila dikhabarkan in textual form yang penuh loopholes yang kau takkan faham bila hanya dicerita dengan text -- sedih lagi.

-- bila tengahari tiba waktu lunch, notification ajak pergi lunch akan berbunyi-bunyi and you, here - alone - trying to figure out what to eat that fits your saving of the month and missing ayam masak merah or ayam goreng or ayam masak lemak -- that every single meal yang halal here normally cost 1000 yen paling murah, dan memandangkan duit elaun belum masuk lagi, you have to resort to the usual mundane tasteless meal -- fried shrimp, or reheated shrimp, or noodles, or udon -- sedih lagi.

-- bila weekend orang bercerita dia ke situ sini, tempat yang satu ketika kau sendiri pernah jelajah pernah teroka tanpa mengalami sebarang masalah bahasa, while you, here, alone -- trying to decide whether to go out or not on your own with very limited geographical understanding of the place and limited vocabulary to communicate with the local people -- sedih lagi dan lagi.

I'm not sure whether it's the baby carrying thingy that made me emotional, or I'm just one nerve wrecking person -- but I am on the brink of leaving behind the WhatsApp group -- like seriously. Bukan pasal tak ingat kawan, or does not cherish the friendship we used to have -- it's more like too much remembrance of things that I love made me extremely sad knowing that in no near time I may experience the same jolt and excitement that I used to feel back then.

Kenapa tak mute aje instead of leaving the group?

Lain.

Even kau mute -- diri sendiri tau yang kau akan cenderung baca every single line of notification that appears to any group.

I am so easy to pass judgment back then on the people who left that group -- and when it came crashing back at me, there I go saying "baru aku faham…"