Dearie husband is somebody who rarely display his real emotion in front of me, the wife. On multiple occasion that I always wonder if he really cared about me, as in 'really-into-you' kind of thing. During the early days of our relationship, being somebody who used to be my relationship counsellor and thus knowing almost everything about my past relationship, he already told me that he will not be like any other man in my life who would be all romantic and sweet and would do just about anything that I requested and giving their all -- whatever all those shitz. So -- yeah, having that kind of warning early in our relationship really helped me prepping myself on what I am about to face in the future.
So -- I'm getting used to him using all those 'standard' remarks, and not displaying too much compassion on my ongoings and difficulties here. Although at one time, I explained to him that some act of me showing my vulnerabilities to him is not about me being whiny or ungrateful -- but more of an acknowledgement on how true the pains and sufferings really is.
Pregnant -- alone -- abroad. A very tricky and difficult concoction I would say.
So, I've reached my 30 weeks of pregnancy, and this week alone, I've been hit with two attack of 'Braxton Hicks' during the hours at the laboratory. Braxton Hicks is a kind cramped-up menstrual sensation -- which is quite disturbing, and painful at times -- that strikes you quite often throughout your late pregnancy as part of your preparation for the REAL labour contraction. It's like a practise for you and your baby for the BIG day.
Usually it lasted for a good 5 to 10 minutes. But -- I may be among those unfortunate one. My first strike of Braxton Hicks lasted for a good 20 minutes. And the second hit -- which was yesterday -- lasted for almost a good 50 to 60 minutes. Really really really uncomfortable. For anything you do -- turn right, turn left, stand up, sit down, sitting straight, crouching -- it just would not subside. While trying to withstand the pain, at the same time I am trying very hard to control my facial emotions in front of my fellow lab mates.
It so happens that dearie husband called me at that particular moment -- while he is at a bowling tournament organised by our organisation -- and it was a facetime call. Immediately I walked out of the lab -- still in cramping pain -- and I really could not fake my facial expressions that I begin to cry and weep during the facetime call. Of course, husband seems a bit frantic asking people around on what I can do to subside the pain. After the call session, I decided to walk back home and rest, and wish him to do his best for his game and dozed of to sleep.
I never thought he would be affected by my situation. Never. Especially during such tournament -- where he took really serious in -- just like his other sports activity he is so in love with (yeah, dearie husband is a sportsperson, I can say). So, throughout my relationship with him, I'm getting used to everything else to be ahead of me -- like -- his sports, his extra classes, his endless town touring to theatres, his cats. Very evident in his facebook profile -- where he have posted only one of our picture together as married couple. ONE.
During the maghrib break, he told me his scores for the first three game - 98, 107, 98. Heyyyyy --- that is certainly unusual. Although he is not a bowling expert, but he is used to scoring 130, 140 and above.
Partly I really felt guilty for the sudden drop. So I told him that I am OK, that the pain have gone after the good 30 minutes sleep and already prepping for my dinner. He felt relieved -- from the text. And at the end of the game, he called again and told me the final score shoot up to 138 and 140+ --- which is finally back to his normal range.
That night, I had a chat with one of my friend back home -- who happens to my husband's groupie as well. I was whining to her about how painful Braxton Hicks really is for me -- and she spilled that during my first strike of Braxton Hicks, dearie husband has been talking about it endlessly to our group friends -- explaining it in detail -- to the extent of really Google-ing it.
My friend goes "Suami akak mesti risau. Hari tu dia sibuk buat research tentang braxton hicks. Siap explain dekat kitorang lagi."
I was like "Really...??? Aku ingat dia tak ambik port pun..."
"Amek port... Tapi saja buat poyo tu. Dia kan memang gitu la kak. Depan akak pura-pura tak tau. Tapi sebenarnya kaluttttt sangat.."
So -- he is worried.
Really...??
In a way -- aku rasa macam sweet pulak. Pheww -- he really is concerned about me -- and the baby. Although he may not be the kind that show it in front of your face -- but to see the effect from other perspective -- and spilled from other people -- in a way -- aku rasa falling head over heel in love balik dengan dia. Of course -- dearie husband kan.
We may have our misunderstandings, we are still tuning with one another -- but in a way -- yeah, I do love him.
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