Now that I have plenty of time to spare, I can finally start reading all those stacked books that I purchased way month earlier. And reading this book is like admitting I have issues.
Well - yeah, at times I DO think that I have issues -- But putting aside all those mediocre issues, this book is definitely one FUN book to read. It is one of those psychologically-researched-article kind of thing, but being written in a very laid-back manner with terminologies that is very easy to seep through your mind. General idea of being a somebody, with some guideline of how to really achieve that idea -- and at some point you just can't wait to experiment with the tips and ideas just to see if it really works.
Make a lag to your smile.
Sticky eye technique.
Epoxy eye technique.
Hans, the brilliant horse - If a horse can do it, why can't you.
I always feel that I have problem mixing around with new people, and new environment. It became even obvious as I migrated to Melaka and dealing with a whole new bunch of personalities. It's awkward to mingle with people who have that sneaky eyes on you. It feel so fake to feel comfortable in that particular seat when you're not. It definitely jeopardizes my networking abilities - and it makes me think "what the hell is wrong with me".
It's like, one day you're happy, the next day you feel lonely and nothing more than a loser, and then you're happy again when other people actually recognizes your effort, and then you feel down - it drives you crazy for a while.
Yeah, so I do establish some new friendship there, but I don't feel the intimacy like I previously felt in my previous working environment. Going back to studying enables me to grasp back the things that I really missed - group of people, sitting in a classroom, learning new things, and not trying to show off who have the better brain than the other (ok, maybe some exception to the foreign students). But, everyone is there to learn and put aside the egocentric attitude and respect the new knowledge acquired. I love that situation where everyone is simply sharing-and-caring.
A few weeks before my final examination, I had a mini reunion with my best-est buddy in uni. Although Makcik is already married with one kid, and Cik Lin already fulfills her career satisfaction phase, but meeting up with them makes me realise one thing - I love the spontaneity. I don't have to try too hard to talk about anything because it just pops up in the head and the communication flows smoothly.
It felt like - freedom.
It kinda reminded of where I am, and what I really wanted in life.
A few days later, I had a short lunch with Cik Lin, and upon going back, I realise - that I am really one bubbly person. Me? Bubbly?
Nobody who knows me well would admit that I am bubbly.
Not even my high school friends.
Not even my classmates.
I have one of those typical comment in the yearbook "Hardly ever hear her voice in the class" kind of thing. (I hate that comment - because that kind of comment is for people who only know the surface of me).
Being with Makcik and Cik Lin, I don't have that cautious feeling of saying the bad thing at the wrong time of fearing the other might be judgmental towards me, because we're not. It's like our mind have these unified rhythm of wavelength that we have no trouble keeping up the pace. We share different stories, but we don't feel awkward, we have different type of jokes, but we still crack up laughing. We are simply spontaneous with one another and that is the kind of thing that keeps me moving. We don't feel awkward out of any topic.
Makcik is like those fashionista and all lady like type of person, Cik Lin is like those hardworking but funny and very straight forward person, and I am squashed in between - and we blended just right and just nice despite our difference.
So, yes - when I don't feel that spontaneous like I used to, I tend to think that I have issues. When you have issue, find something to deal with it - which explains why I bought those book in the first place.
Generally, I wanted to be spontaneous with anybody.
Dear God, please bless my friends.
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